ika's public

2009-11-26T13:33:00.017+08:00

bismillah.

Remember the first day when I saw your face

remember the first day when you smiled at me

you stepped to me and you said to me

I was the woman you dreamed about

remember the first day when you called my house

remember the first day when you took me out

we had butterflies although we tried to hide

and we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand

the way we talked the way we laughed

it felt so good to find true love

I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so

I know that he loves me cause his feelings show

when he stares at me you see that he cares for me

you see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me cause its obvious

I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts

and he's missing me if he's not kissing me

and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed

remember the first day we had an argument

we apologized and then we compromised

and we haven't argued since

remember the first day we stopped playing games

remember the first day you fell in love with me

it felt so good for you to say those words

cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hand

the way we talked the way we laughed

it felt so good to fall in love

and I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so

I know that he loves me cause his feelings show

when he stares at me you see that he cares for me

you see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me cause its obvious

I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts

and he's missing me if he's not kissing me

and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

I'm so happy so happy that you're in my life

and baby now that you're a part of me

you showed me

showed me the true meaning of love

and I know he loves me

I know that he loves me cause he told me so

I know that he loves me cause his feelings show

when he stares at me you see that he cares for me

you see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me cause its obvious

I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts

and he's missing me if he's not kissing me

and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul

amin.

2009-11-24T22:09:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

as you know,

i had to meet D yesterday.

when i first reached out to hold his hand,

he held mine so tight and refused to let go.

even while he is sleeping.

and on our way to Woodlands,

he slept hugging me so tight.

when i asked him why,

"i don't want to lose you again, ever."

i smiled, touched much.

anyway, we spent time together again today.

like from the morning until 6-ish.

haha...

i love him.

it feels like nothing bad ever really happened.

amin.

2009-11-22T23:26:00.003+08:00

bismillah.

i'm feeling better now.
(:

well, things are sorted.
his still as angsty as before.
so whatever.

-

the thrill about falling in love is to get hurt and his there to heal your wounds.

thought a lot about what iqin and i said just now,
we both just can't date boring and nice guys.
no arguments = a monotonous relationship. period.

i miss danial. a lot.
i'm going to meet him tomorrow morning.
i HAVE TO.
'cause his being angsty.
pffts.

we're not back yet.
so don't ask.

we are not even friends, so he claims.
but, we still love each other.
-.-

complicated, yet, i enjoy it.

call me stupid.

amin.

2009-11-21T12:01:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

to love in vain, it means...

It means that you showed that you cared, you did everything you could for them, try to made them feel happy or super attentive to their needs, but they never seem to respond postively to those actions...and thus, it all is for nought....you just are too attached to this person who does not feel the same way.

Love is in vain, when our purpose for loving isn't just as true and noble as in expressing it. In words and deeds..

yes, i loved in vain.

kudos to me.

and that awesome actor who deceived me for 18 months.

don't worry, i'm fine.

he looked me in the eyes and said, "i don't love you anymore."

kudos to him.

like i said, love is becomes something meaningless after awhile.

i let him in.

knowing i don't have much to give.

but, i let him in.

i let him love me.

and, i think that was the dumbest attempt.

'cause i loved him back.

amin.

2009-11-18T22:45:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

i feel like taking a pen and stabbing it at my throat,
yknow like last night's Royal Pains episode.
LOL.

i'm having difficulty breathing.
it's like there's something stucks.
with stupid annoying flu.
body aches.

i have a feeling my throat is causing the problems, again.
i want to die.

the other day my body was sooooo hot bby couldn't touch it for more than half-a-minute without feeling intense heat.
then, it turned super cold, like corpse.

i don't like this.
at all.
):

amin.

2009-11-15T04:29:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

so sick of you.

so sick of your stupid ego.

so sick of your nonsensical tantrums.

so sick of not knowing anything.

so sick of being forgotten.

so sick.

so very sick of all this.

to you, i hate you. period. urgh. so much for being nice to you when i was supposed to blow my top.

amin.

2009-11-08T00:49:00.005+08:00

bismillah.

alhamdullillah. with Allah's blessing and guidance, we turned 18th month yesterday. for a couple like us, we've gone through so much in a short period of time. whilst on the phone, we talked about our first meeting. and you said to me the things you never told me before. you trusted me from the first day. i am utterly thankful to God we lasted this long. 'cause we are both like volcanos, we erupt as and when we like. but, through it all, through the nasty arguments, through the teary nights, we made it thus far. insya allah, with Allah's blessing, i hope we would last much longer than this. i love you, danial siddiq, more than words could express. i am thankful i met you, you open my eyes to life. you taught me life and its hurdles. how to live life. you taught me how to love. you taught me hardships. you taught me more things that this once-snobbish girl ever knew. you allowed me to enter your life, never hiding a single bit of it. you love me with all your heart and soul. you became a pillar of strength, stronger than platinum. you became a confidente whom i confided every itty-bitty details of my miserable life. but never once have you complained. you were never afraid to scold me in public, reminding me to mind my actions or words. that made me human. that made me respect you. you said to me before, "Respect has to be earned, not given.". you earned mine since the day you stopped doing stupid things. you are more than a boyfriend to me, a bestfriend, a brother, an angel, a mentor. my everything. never once in my life have i pictured letting someone else in to rely on. until you walked into my life. you changed everything about me, not in a bad way. you made me more lady-like. you made me feel comfortable being myself. you gave me strength. you showed me the world. it is undeniably true, if i lost you, i will be nothing, just jane doe. i've wondered if i am too young to consider all this, but, i don't care. this is what my heart, my soul, my vital organs, my mind screams out for. yes, i know the risks that i am taking. i may end up crushing myself completely. but what is love with no risk? i leave it to the Al-Mighty. He would know what is best for his servant.

-

p/s, we didn't meet today. ):
but, it's okay!
i still love you!

amin.

2009-10-28T20:15:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

D wants to pang-seh me.
hmphs.
he wants to go cut hair without me.
tsk!

nevermind, nevermind.
i go cut hair with syiqin eh eh eh.
hehehehe...

my throat hurts.
):
bleahs.

ENVY ME! NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! WOOHOO~
i'm going to go to D's and send him to school.
we're going kak mirah's performance. :D

YAY!

okay bye.

amin.

2009-10-28T08:26:00.000+08:00

BISMILLAH

WE ARE CUTTING OUR HAIR TOGETHER!
YAY!

AMIN.

2009-10-28T00:51:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

D was so enthusiastic to make this look fabulous.
(:

i love it when he puts in effort.

I LOVE D!

amin.

2009-10-25T10:34:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

and so,
my sister which i shan't name which has been a b*tch and has been annoying the shit out of me.
seriously, D knows whatever happens my family comes first.
i don't give a damn we haven't met for months, as long as my parents need me to get something i will do it.
unlike someone.
i can imagine how it'll be like if she gets married.

-

meeting D later to get him new street soccer shoes. (:
my boyfriend cute la.
hahahaha...
he is so cute, i can't even describe it.
hahahaha...

i love D.
(:

amin.

2009-10-24T00:22:00.003+08:00

bismillah.

i will catch up to D's amount of blog posts in no time.
so, we have this idea to conjoint our blog.
but, haiya.
new link.
HE WILL FOR SURE NOT UPDATE UNTIL I FORCE HIM TO.
this is what happens when you have a boyfriend who loves to blog but too lazy to do it.

so, i'm struggling to stay un-sick.
which is rather impossible since i am already sick.
i've been getting fever, bodyaches, horrid flu and horrendous headaches.

yes, neither can i believe i travelled all the way for D.
(:

whatever happens, i will be there to support D in all of his endeavours in life.
and, i bet he enjoyed today's street soccer tournament.
DUH! his class is on the top of the table. they won all 3 games.
congrats to them. awesome teamwork.
i like how they'll gang up against the other team if the other team picks up a fight.
(:

so, after the tournament, which will continue next week, i think,
they all took a not-so-quick shower.
ben, nuraini, fairi, D and myself headed for Simpang Bedok for dinner.
:D

oh!
nuraini was awesome.
i couldn't tell that she couldn't play soccer until she said it.
HAHA!

i love D.
D was awesome.
my man of the match!
hehehehehehehehehe...

bby, dating soon kay?
after my 'A's.
/:

nights!
throbbing headache.

hmm... breakfast at MacDonald's with D soon!
i'm craving for oily, fatty food.
hahahahaha...

amin.

2009-10-23T13:40:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

i'm gonna trvel all the way to ITE COLLEGE EAST to surprise bby.
he is having a soccer match at 2.30.
(:

we kinda fought.
i told him i don't want to talk to him.
so ya, up until now, we are not really talking.
so, this is to make it all up.

i love you, D.
(:

amin.

2009-10-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

today somehow was draining yet fulfilling.

mama woke me up early.
my grandaunt passed away.
sigh.

so, mumster, sister and myself were out from 9.30 to 5.30.
paid our deepest condolences.
met our guru ngaji.
went Geylang becasue mama wanted to cut her hair.

so, i was struggling to walk around.
had a sleepless night.
):

so, D and myself met at 6.30.
(:

somehow, despite today's trip being a tad bit boring,
i feel complete.
(:

we went to our not-so-usual spot.
he wanted to talk.
and me, being sleepy and high on chocolate was laughing and laughing.
and he was a total dear,
he actually wrote down whatever he wanted to talk to me about.
(:

SOO SWEEEEEET!

teehee..

okay, we've been trying to take things slow.
i like it this way.
(:

oh!
there was this pretty little girl who sat next to me at Banquet who was so sweet.
giggling and joking with me when D went to buy food.
hehehe...

oh, i love D.
(:

amin.

2009-10-18T23:16:00.003+08:00

bismillah.

THIS FAT-ASS NEEDS TO START RUNNING AGAIN!
stupid fat thighs.
D and me should switch genes.
afterall, my baby needs to fatten up so he can be my pillow in the bus.
:D

he will kill me.
TEEHEE...

but, macam weird la,
i am, ACTUALLY, much, much smaller than him.
i'm just borned with huge hip bone.
but kan, people say easy give birth leh.
HAHAHAHA!

BUT I APPEAR LIKE BIGGER-SIZED.
some people said i look like a wrestler.
):

i envy Chinese with stick-thin thighs.
/:

trust me, i don't know how i got so vain.
must be YANMIN THE TAIWANESE WOMAN!
she was obsessed with stick-thing legs and pan-like stomach.
haha...

okay, i'm going to bully D before he sleeps.
:D

amin.

2009-10-18T22:34:00.003+08:00

bismillah.

i've reconciled with Mr. Sucha-Big-Ego.
see, i do have patience.
plenty of it.
i wonder why...
hmmm...

oh well,
so today was...
AWESOME!
like if there was such thing as awesome-est,
today will be like more awesome than AWESOME-EST.
:D

my English is perfectly fine,
i just want to be like Ris Low for a moment.
(:

as always, D and myself would never keep with the plan.
i don't know why we're becoming more and more inpromtu.
whatmore, he made me a happy goober.
:D

from Bugis Junction, we walked all the way to Plaza Singapura.
just because this brat wants a grey, long-sleeved cotton on tee.
:D
i wanted to get the sequin-y dress but, i fell in love with the long-sleeve instead.
his treat.

next trip to town,
GET D HIS LEATHER WALLET AT FLASH & SPLASH!
can't believe he sacrificed for me.
aww..

-

i can't help but feel, school's making him emotionally unstable.
slightly.
and there's someone's recent presence that especially ticks him off, a part from me.

i love him.
(:

what love is.
love is us, bby.

we just gotta put in spirit and effort.

amin.

2009-10-14T22:52:00.003+08:00

bismillah.

God must hate me.
i just enjoyed today.
but, something had to ruin everything.
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
/:

someone asked me why am i emo.
i looked at the persona nd said, 'cause you made me.
/:

okay, finding soemone to talk to.
bye.

amin.

2009-10-14T21:44:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

so, the learning just now lasted only 1 and a half hours.
-.-"

we left PJ at 9.15.
and was released from Marina Barrage at 11.15.
-.-"

so since we ended super early,
decided to pick D up from school for our lunch date.
(:

we walked around Tampines to find a prata shop.
but we ended up at this Chicken Rice stall outside the MRT.
hahahaha...

we took 31 to just looklooksee.
hahaha...
supposed to head to ECP to walk-walk.
but, D and myself slept all the way until Kallang.
HAHA!

trained to City Hall and walked to Suntec.
D's socks were annoying him so, i dragged him to a sports store and got him socks.
random much~

sat at the rooftop.
we were talking from A-Z.
(:

so, from 4 - 6 we sat there chit-chatting.
afterwhich we went down to look around for a swimming costume that D promised to get for me.
(:

he owes me a lot of things, yknow.
:D

-

to D,
i'm sorry i've been very pricky this past few weeks.
if i could show you how much i love you,
the universe would be flooded for my love for you.
i truly adore you.
it doesn't matter that we've been hurting,
what matters is our future.
i promise to support you in all that you do.
and i know, you feel the same way for me.

i can't wait for our make-up date on Sunday.
(:
your treat all zee way ehh~
mwah!

amin.

2009-10-13T22:24:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

okay, thought of blogging.
but D called.
hehehehe...

i love D.

so, update soon.

oh, tomorrow Marina Barrage learning journey.
(:

amin.

2009-10-12T02:25:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

it's amazing how you can easy melt away the hatred i hold.

so, after the afternoon of hurling words to him,
it's one-way, by the way. yes, i started it and only i participated.
i decided to go online and say his long, long offline message to me which he never sent through sms.
all his heart content and i stunned.
like seriously, in front of the computer, stunned.

i called him immediately and amazingly, we were back to normal.
HAHA!

i think we are funny.
yes, seriously.
but whatever.

i love how he makes me smile with lame jokes.
i love how he would be so thick-skinned and asked me if he was cute.
i love how he would call me pet names.
i love how he types the things he types. HEHE!

i love him, in short.
and there is no one in the world who can replace how special he is to me.
(:

well, meeting D tomorrow to help him with his CPT project.
trust me, i don't even know which module anymore.
i know got something to do with acids and bases.
something that, thankfully, i am quite good in.

i've got school tomorrow.
at 8.30am.
i don't quite know if i want to go for Enrichment Day.
i can't find my name. ANYWHERE.

tuesday, tough luck.
i told mama that i don't want to go school.
oh well, i love staying home. (:
so, no sweat.

wednesday, there'll be some learning journey.
don't ask.
i have no absolute clue.

thursday, PW.

friday, more PW.

i don't like this week's plan.
the last post-exam activity i had, i was sick.
i doubt i will enjoy any of it, except for wednesday.
hahahahaha...

i like tomorrow.
because tomorrow will be the day i meet D.
:D

i think, i'm getting a teeny weeny bit high.
HEEEHEEE...

oh, i miss man and sali already.
pfft.

okay la!
sleeeeeep time.

oh, in case you don't read the time properly.
in this post, tomorrow is Monday. to me, at least.
'cause i haven't slept.
:D

amin.

2009-10-11T13:31:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

i promise to stay strong.

i deserve someone who knows how to treat me well.
i deserve someone who isn't shallow.

yea.
i want to watch a movie.
/:

amin.

2009-10-10T12:39:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

i think the word 'love' has been degraded of its value.
hmmm...
i don't think my fingers and my toes can count how many guys have said it to me.

word seems cheap ain't it?

i'm over words.
i need action.

yes, more action please.

-

anyone knows where to kidnap a cute little baby to call my own?
:D

amin.

2009-10-10T12:32:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

hopefully, today will be a good day.
but, to start with, i don't even know where D is or why his handphone is switched off.

i have to find a life outside him.
any takers to be my outside life?

i have to stop being pathetic.
i have to stop thinking i'm ugly.

amin.

2009-10-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

so, i met D before my maths paper.
and i was already holding back my tears.
all that i was thinking over and over is, "if he can't tell me what i want to hear, then i should break it off."

i couldn't hold back anymore,
we went to this hut around cat's area and i told him everything from A-Z.
and, i was crying so hard.
i won't even let him wipe my tears.
just to show him how serious i was.

so, he also explained from A-Z.
and, we were a-okay after that.
(:

he accompanied me study for the killer paper at Lakepark.
then to the bus stop to school.

was caught in the rain.
sat for the paper in drenched clothes.
bleahs.

met D and sally at jurong east.
they were from kallang.
D and myself went for a dinner date and bought things for the BBQ.
send home kak d's dinner.

then, off to sally's house.
we laughed so hard in the bus.
hahahaha...
i bet, everyone thought we were nuts.
then, taaadaaa~
we went home.
:D

okay, i can't wait for tomorrow!
:D

mummy says i can't overnight.
it's okay.
she knows i'm going back to the chalet early wednesday morning.
(:

i love D.
:D

amin.

2009-10-04T23:42:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

when you place your right hand to your beating chest and ask,
what is love? what does it mean to be in a relationship?

what does your heart say?
does it skip a beat?
does it beat faster?
does it hurt?
does it feel like a romantic song playing?

mine...?
mine hurts and it beats slower than normal.

to me,
love is something so sacred, so special, so beautiful.
and being in a relationship means two people in love trying to make something impossible, possible.

but...
sigh...

i feel lost.
my heart cringes every time i ask D those questions.
he seems nonchalant.
not excited.
whereas me, i get all shy talking about love.

sometimes i wonder, if he was just playing dumb or he just doesn't care.
i don't even know if he means half the things he said.

love seems so depreciated now.
i feel unbeautiful, you know.

i feel hollow.
i can't help it.
i feel empty.

he has this control over me.
i want to break out.
i don't like it.

i don't like how he threatens to do something and i will just stupidly give in.

i don't like how he wants me to treat all his friends with love and respect when they themselves treat me like thrash.

i don't like how he leaves me alone to settle my problems without even rendering help. to him, everything is my fault. and i'm suppose to clean up his problems.

i don't like how he demands me to do things his way.

i don't like how he doesn't care about me.

i don't like how i can't not care about him.

i am tired of crying.
i feel pathetic.
yes, i do.

i need to learn how to not care.
how to break out from this cycle.

why aren't i strong anymore?

amin.

2009-10-04T12:13:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

a high sugar breakfast, springy awesome time at west coast, lack of sleep and flu tabs are a bad combi altogether. PERIOD!

hahaha...
it was fun though.
i think, i used food to boost up my lack-of-sleep energy.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

but, now, i'm drowsy from the flu tabs.
i feel like i can FLLLLLYYY~

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

okay, D is working.
i feel like we haven't messaged for eons.
lol.

nevermind.
before the duo rascals come and crash me house.
me shall take a quicky shower and SLEEEEEEEP.

oh my, i can't wait for the babies.
YAY!
and the g-ma.
YAY YAY!
hehehehe...

okay, see what i mean, high sugar diet.
LOL.
and, i took half of a Snicker bar.
huhuhuhuhu...

okay, sleep sleep.
NIGHTY NIGHT!
okay, more like GOOD AFTERNOOOOOOOOOOOOON EARTH-lings!

i miss D.
PERIOD.
):
shall go dating after promos.
which is tuesday.
YAY!

amin.

2009-10-04T02:56:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

i want to go to Dubai.
period.

i want to learn how to live and breathe Islam.
masya allah.

after abang told me how religious the Muslims there are.
i feel this gravitational force urging me to go.
insya allah.

but, it's all in His hands right?
i may never get to go there.
but, no harm in dreaming huh?

i told D,
i want my kids to grow up with religion as the main pillar.
insya allah.

the beauty of small kids mimicking their parents praying.
masya allah.

i've been watching Islamic-based movie.
it's really interesting if you put your heart and mind to watching the show.

oh, the deal with bro is,
i treat him to a meal, he buys me Vans.
good trade-off eh?
hahahahahaha...

amin.

2009-10-04T00:45:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

it's so hot at night for the past week.
i've been wearing dry-fit shirt all day.

YAY!

youtube has stopped being a bitch.
i'm going to continue on my movie now.
:D

and 50 minutes later, youtube turns evil.
):

i want my ending.

oh well...
wait lor.

i've been blog-hopping.
i'm jealous.
i see most couples go jalan raya wearing matching outfits.
this year, D and myself don't even have the time to go Geylang.
what more to get matching outfits.

it's okay.
insya allah.
kalau panjang umur jodoh kite, we can wear matching outfits for any event!
haha...
scary eh.

anyhoos, abang's leaving for Dubai again this wednesday.
i'm darn sad la.
so, as my goodbye gift, abang asked fora treat.
so, tomorrow we will be going for breakfast, then to West Coast.
(:

then, it's all studying for the rest of the day.
BOO~

amin.

2009-09-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

D, i really don't want to try.
not anymore.

for once, i want to be in your shoes.
i want to be the one being coaxed.

i wish things would change.
but, hey i've got to grow up.
things won't change.

(':

i just know it won't.

i'm going to walk away.
probably best for us, anyway.

*shrugs.

i don't even know what's best.

amin.

2009-09-28T15:11:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

nobody in this world will be at peace until they're done thrashing about D and myself.

well, like Lily Allen's song,
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
(:

we may not be that perfect couple that faces every challenge all smiles.
we may not be that perfect couple that thinks we should suck up to each other.
we may not be that perfect couple that thinks we should put our relationship status on Facebook to be engaged, in a relation or married.
we may not be that perfect couple who wants to patch up immediately after making up.

why can't we decide what we want to do with our lives and people stop butting into our issues?
URGH!

we are still teenagers.
why should we rush things?

i don't want to patch up yet until we've fully understand the pros and cons of being in a relationship.
D and myself ahs so many things to learn about each other.
but it don't mean we're lying to ourselves.

so, rather than you poke your nose into somewhere it don't belong.
i think, you've got issues with your own boyfriend that is a whole lot worse than ours.
(:

amin.

2009-09-26T03:08:00.000+08:00

bismillah.

well, i think i have MIA-ed long enough.
HAHA!

okay fine, not long enough la.
but, like i told D, we must learn to start anew and let go of bad habits.

spent the night at City Hall - Bugis.
sent mom for her D&D at Grang Park something City Hall.
windowshopped alone while waiting for the forever late D.
:D

well, supposedly first reaction when i saw him,
i wanted to slap his face.
SERIOUSLY.
personal reasons.

but, i guess, he deserves a chance to explain.
/:

told D, "Lewis Hamilton hot eh you? i suke."
he got jealous.
HAHA!

we went to Capitol's BATA.
i showed D the heels i fell in love with.
tried on and instantly i knew i wanted it!

D was sweet.
while i was trying to take off the heels,
he bent down on one knee and took it off for me.
(:

see, exactly why i love him.

-

right now,

we're complicated.

i think, i've got trust issues.

amin.